A lot of food issues run in my family. I find myself always worried about something when it comes to my diet. When I decided to go Paleo, it was an all or nothing deal for me. Either I have to quit cold turkey and stay away or it would never happen.
Being away, and surrounded by amazing famous restaurants and food place, I am finding that I am having a lot of trouble with letting myself enjoy the food. I think I have always had a weird fear with food. Being over weight my whole life, food was all that mattered to me, and it still is (hello future Nutritionist). Since going Paleo I have found myself being scared to eat anything that isn’t Paleo, but can you blame me?
I know what the consequences are physically, but mentally I am finding it really hard to conquer the negative and unsettling thoughts that I am doing something bad. I know it is my decision of what I put into my body, and I know I want to enjoy myself in certain situations, and I do enjoy myself most of the time, but there is always that guilt in the back of my head. I always say I don’t regret it, but I kind of do.
So my question is….. is food scary? Should I be afraid of food? Absolutely not. Saying it out loud even sounds crazy… “I have a fear of cheese”, all I can do is laugh. I know it might sound ridiculous and I know some people can relate at the same time. I eat Paleo because I love knowing what I am putting into my body, but I have to remember not everyone is Paleo and not everywhere will have Paleo options (that isn’t a salad). I have to learn that it is ok to SOMETIMES eat what I want or what is available to me.
So today, in my new mindset, I have a burrito. I haven’t had a burrito in about 2 years. I mentally prepared to have this for about two weeks (crazy I know). As we walked over to the little, amazing, burrito shop I felt myself getting nervous. I stopped and said “one burrito wont kill you”, I had to remind myself that the only negative would be a bloated stomach and a not-so-great visit to the bathroom (sorry). I popped a Fish Oil pill and walked in there and stuffed my face. OMG it was so good, will I ever do it again? Maybe, but not anytime soon.
This was a big step for me. Not being scared of what I’m eating, and most importantly not letting it ruin my day. I enjoyed it as I would any other meal and moved on (moved on very slowly, but still moved on LOL).. Do I think I am cured? No, I have a long way to go, but I have learned that food shouldn’t be scary, especially when its a very rare thing. I am a human, and I need to eat….and smile 🙂
So what’s the lesson? Enjoy myself and eat whatever the fuck I want (within reason of course). Strict Paleo is for me….but Burritos can be too, sometimes!